"Bring me a dream;
Make her complexion like peaches and cream.
Giver her two lips like roses in clover,
then tell me that my lonesome nights are over."
"Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!"
We all fantasize about our futures: our future house; job; car(s); possessions. Even before we understand what real life really is (which is probably about the age of 25 these days), we know what we want... and this includes who we share our bed with. As time goes by, and as we grow older and wiser (well, some of us), we realize that maybe we don't want to pay the property tax to live in a big ol' mansion. Perhaps secret agents and runway models aren't the best career choices. It may be too pricey to own a garage full of Aston Martins. But unfortunately many people refuse to discard their desire to call a certain someone (that they have imagined, no less) their own and take it very seriously.
In our day and age, we are offered a smorgasbord of romantic fantasies that we can "apply" to our own lives. From what we are shown on the television and in movies, from what we read in novels and magazines, we can create the perfect person to spend the rest of our lives with (or perhaps just the night). At the same time, we have no choice but to select from these fantasies. The media, after all, dictates what is cool and... well, nobody wants to be a square, right?
And so, many young girls sit daydreaming about either a "strong silent type" or perhaps a "pimp" or "gangsta'". Some may even be thinking about a "real gentleman" but none of these personality traits matter unless they have some sort of accent and/or are a specific race. The boys (who think themselves men) are on the prowl for some "tight pussy, big booty, nice tits" and someone who's gonna give it up real easy. I believe the technical term is "Slut". You can narrow down your preference even more by making them part of a niche (ie: punk, goth, geek, tomboy/ metro-sexual, etc...) Yes, the choices are truly endless. Aren't we lucky that we can create our very own make-believe lover?*
I think not.
With this premise introduced, we can now explore the problems it presents: firstly, it places limits on who a person can and can't engage in a romantic relationship with. Secondly, it ruins the chances of a potential well-matched suitor or beau from successfully courting the other. Thirdly, it can lead to disappointment in life and regret.
Creating and believing in these fantasies severely limits the different people that could be a good match. For example, let's say a girl longs for a gangster guy who wears those fleece jackets in the summer (ya goof!), drives a sweet ride, and getz all crunk up in da club. Now, let's say she meets this guy walking down the street (the only reason she notices him is because I draw attention in his direction by laughing at him as he passes by in his bomber jacket... in 110 degree weather). He's says " 'Sup, bitch. Why don't we go back to my crib and get our freak on?" Now, a line like that should make her knees weak but instead she says "Heeeeeeeeell, no!" and keeps walking. This guy is everything she's imagined but she turns him down. Why? Because he's not the "right" race. This guy could've been everything she's dreamed of, but she let him go because he was born the "wrong" color. You might think to yourself, "That's retarded"... but it happens.
Now, let's say a guy has his "heart" set on a hot goth girl who also offers exceptionally stimulating conversation. He has no luck but he's got a good friend. She's kind of a bookworm and a little bit of a klutz. Not quite what the guy is looking for but he finds her sweet and her quirks endearing and best of all he could talk to her all day. However, despite all that, when she professes her love to her friend, he has to turn her down. So what if they'd have ended up a perfect couple. So what if they completed each other. She wasn't the girl he dreams of having so it could never work out.
This matter of limiting our lives to our fictitious future beaus, more often than not, ends up hurting both the wooers (those who are cast aside because they do not fit the bill) and the wooed (those whose imaginations are running their love lives). We've already explored how the potential matches are rejected, but in the end, perhaps the people most hurt are those who have brought it upon themselves. When we grow up, when we mature to the point where we don't give a damn about our old fantasies and just want someone to love and to love us back, what regrets are we left with? How many potential matches were you willing to let walk out of your life? How many real hearts had to be broken for the sake of one of uncertain existence? These are things people who take it too far are going to have to live with (But, if all that's cool with you, just disregard this whole paragraph).
Another damaging affect of holding onto such dreams may come after you may have seemingly discarded it. If one who never real gave up on their "dream lover" got happily married to a wonderful person who completed them well enough one day found that "dream lover" what would happen? Nothing good, I assure you.
This is not to say fantasizing is entirely a bad thing. It's all good and fun to imagine who your going to end up with (be it the for rest of your life or a tumble in sheets), but we need to be aware of how far we take it. In the game of love, we play with some of the most precious and fragile things we have: Trust, time, minds, hearts. Don't miss your chance at love... and don't deny the chance to others.
PS: On that last note, I understand that you can't force yourself to love someone and you shouldn't feel bad or guilty if you have to turn someone down. If it's not there, it's not there, right?
*This is obviously only a small segment of a much larger list of both physical and personality traits. Also, not included is social status, which can play as much of a role as the previously mentioned.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
"High Hopes"
"So any time your gettin' low,
'stead of lettin' go,
Just remember that ant.
Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant."
Why does it seem that no matter how much we plan or how favorable the future may appear, a wrench always seems to find it's way into the works? Sometimes it's merely a stumbling block. Other times, it's a hurdle. Maybe a mountain or two thrown in there. However, though it may seem that the chips are stacked against you, it's very rare that this snag in your plan, no matter what scale it may be, makes success impossible. I believe that is up to you.
This subject perhaps, for anyone in university reading this, may be coming along a tad late, as most students are wrapping up their final exams as we speak. I've had the chance to speak to a number of them on how they are doing with their studies. More often than not, they express the sheer weight and pressure they feel from these tests and for good reason too. Many of these students are dead set on succeeding in their chosen field and in order to do so, stellar grades are necessary. Of these students I spoke to, an unsettling percentage of them find themselves questioning if they should continue these studies or not. They do understand that should they do well, they have a good chance at a successful career in their chosen occupation. However, getting from here to there is a long road laden with pratfalls and hurdles and some students aren't sure if it's really worth it.
Students aren't the only people facing seemingly daunting odds. Recently I helped prepare someone for an audition for a local talent show. She sings fairly well and I believe she would get positive reviews from her peers if she were to perform. Her main problem, however, lies in her nervousness. During her audition she was shaking like a leaf in an autumn breeze. Of course, this affected her performance. The conditions of the audition had nothing to do with her performance, but her lack of confidence did; that's what was "stopping" her from performing at her best.
I have my own molehills to deal with... Who am I kidding?! Their bloody mountains in my eyes. Aside from my romantic misfortunes and my battle with mood disorders (which I speak far too much of), I've found myself involved in a number of projects.
I am a writer and an actor and I have written both a movie and a pilot episode which are both being produced and directed (among a slew of other things) by myself and a chum of mine. Although we know this is entirely possible, we're both aware of the little things that can (and probably will) go wrong. And there is a frighteningly long list of things that can muck things up for us.
To be quite frank, however, the reason for my doubt in these projects, projects I carry major responsibilities in, is because of a past project. Nearly a year ago, I was in charge of producing a variety show of sorts to raise funds for the British Columbia Cancer Foundation (We didn't care about making money from the show so we thought we may as well give to a good cause). Think of it as "Saturday Night Live" on stage and for a good cause. I'd written the skits and had much of the behind-the-scenes work all mapped out. Of course, I wasn't alone: a handful of good friends of mine were rallying together to shape this radical idea into a very possible, very awesome show. It may have even gone on as scheduled if certain things hadn't happened: people started going to school (and who am I to tell my friends, or anyone for that matter, that our show was more important), I slipped into an ever growing state of depression (due to things unrelated to the show), and, as a result of both of those things, I was unable to secure our venue in time.
Needless to say, we'd lost momentum afterwards. The hype we'd built over that summer quickly dwindled as the date of our performance passed by. I continued to tell people that we were just pushing the date back to iron out the wrinkles. But that "date" got pushed further and further back and our once loyal fanbase gradually lost faith in us. I still tell people even now that the show is "on hiatus", but who am I kidding? It's dead as far as everyone is concerned... I may as well quit fooling myself. I don't have a lot of regrets, but letting this thing go certainly lingers at the top of that short list.
Anyone looking to accomplish anything in life is going to have to make some tough decisions and make some sacrifices. Sometimes, we can see the goal somewhere in the future but circumstances that come with reaching that goal, the circumstances we must deal with in the present, are daunting. Other times, it's not the outward circumstances that plague our path but the demons that we must fight within ourselves that dare us to move forward. These things do not make an achievement impossible. Difficult? Yes. Improbable? Maybe. Trying? Certainly. But impossible? Nearly never. Many times it boils down to us; we decide if a task is possible or impossible because of the parameters we've set our lives to. It's up to us and weither we're willing to breach those parameters that decides if we are victorious or not.
Dr. Suess wrote: "And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)" I believe that is true of everyone. And as cheesy as it sounds, if you persevere, and believe in yourself, with a little bit of luck, impossible is nothing. But just be aware of that margin of failure... that 1 and 1/4 percent... because sometimes things just happen.
But don't take my word for it. Check out some expert advice on never giving up.
'stead of lettin' go,
Just remember that ant.
Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant."
Why does it seem that no matter how much we plan or how favorable the future may appear, a wrench always seems to find it's way into the works? Sometimes it's merely a stumbling block. Other times, it's a hurdle. Maybe a mountain or two thrown in there. However, though it may seem that the chips are stacked against you, it's very rare that this snag in your plan, no matter what scale it may be, makes success impossible. I believe that is up to you.
This subject perhaps, for anyone in university reading this, may be coming along a tad late, as most students are wrapping up their final exams as we speak. I've had the chance to speak to a number of them on how they are doing with their studies. More often than not, they express the sheer weight and pressure they feel from these tests and for good reason too. Many of these students are dead set on succeeding in their chosen field and in order to do so, stellar grades are necessary. Of these students I spoke to, an unsettling percentage of them find themselves questioning if they should continue these studies or not. They do understand that should they do well, they have a good chance at a successful career in their chosen occupation. However, getting from here to there is a long road laden with pratfalls and hurdles and some students aren't sure if it's really worth it.
Students aren't the only people facing seemingly daunting odds. Recently I helped prepare someone for an audition for a local talent show. She sings fairly well and I believe she would get positive reviews from her peers if she were to perform. Her main problem, however, lies in her nervousness. During her audition she was shaking like a leaf in an autumn breeze. Of course, this affected her performance. The conditions of the audition had nothing to do with her performance, but her lack of confidence did; that's what was "stopping" her from performing at her best.
I have my own molehills to deal with... Who am I kidding?! Their bloody mountains in my eyes. Aside from my romantic misfortunes and my battle with mood disorders (which I speak far too much of), I've found myself involved in a number of projects.
I am a writer and an actor and I have written both a movie and a pilot episode which are both being produced and directed (among a slew of other things) by myself and a chum of mine. Although we know this is entirely possible, we're both aware of the little things that can (and probably will) go wrong. And there is a frighteningly long list of things that can muck things up for us.
To be quite frank, however, the reason for my doubt in these projects, projects I carry major responsibilities in, is because of a past project. Nearly a year ago, I was in charge of producing a variety show of sorts to raise funds for the British Columbia Cancer Foundation (We didn't care about making money from the show so we thought we may as well give to a good cause). Think of it as "Saturday Night Live" on stage and for a good cause. I'd written the skits and had much of the behind-the-scenes work all mapped out. Of course, I wasn't alone: a handful of good friends of mine were rallying together to shape this radical idea into a very possible, very awesome show. It may have even gone on as scheduled if certain things hadn't happened: people started going to school (and who am I to tell my friends, or anyone for that matter, that our show was more important), I slipped into an ever growing state of depression (due to things unrelated to the show), and, as a result of both of those things, I was unable to secure our venue in time.
Needless to say, we'd lost momentum afterwards. The hype we'd built over that summer quickly dwindled as the date of our performance passed by. I continued to tell people that we were just pushing the date back to iron out the wrinkles. But that "date" got pushed further and further back and our once loyal fanbase gradually lost faith in us. I still tell people even now that the show is "on hiatus", but who am I kidding? It's dead as far as everyone is concerned... I may as well quit fooling myself. I don't have a lot of regrets, but letting this thing go certainly lingers at the top of that short list.
Anyone looking to accomplish anything in life is going to have to make some tough decisions and make some sacrifices. Sometimes, we can see the goal somewhere in the future but circumstances that come with reaching that goal, the circumstances we must deal with in the present, are daunting. Other times, it's not the outward circumstances that plague our path but the demons that we must fight within ourselves that dare us to move forward. These things do not make an achievement impossible. Difficult? Yes. Improbable? Maybe. Trying? Certainly. But impossible? Nearly never. Many times it boils down to us; we decide if a task is possible or impossible because of the parameters we've set our lives to. It's up to us and weither we're willing to breach those parameters that decides if we are victorious or not.
Dr. Suess wrote: "And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)" I believe that is true of everyone. And as cheesy as it sounds, if you persevere, and believe in yourself, with a little bit of luck, impossible is nothing. But just be aware of that margin of failure... that 1 and 1/4 percent... because sometimes things just happen.
But don't take my word for it. Check out some expert advice on never giving up.
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