"I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me."
"All the money in the world,
could never add up to all the love,
I have inside... "
I was having a conversation with a friend recently (does it count if it was online?) and I jokingly mentioned how I'm saving my money to buy a girlfriend (no, I don't mean a "prostitute"!). And though I say it as a joke, it does carry an air of seriousness with it for me.
Being in a "relationship" is more than just making it out, buying things for the other, spending time with the other, or making love. Though all these things may be (and probably are) involved with being in a relationship, it's no good if there is no reciprocated love or if the amount of love reciprocated by both people is unequal. For example, a girl might like a guy because he's witty, fun to snuggle with, and gives allows her her space while the guy might like the girl because she's able and willing to pay for things when he can't and she's a good lay every now and then. Or, perhaps the guy loves the girl for her quirkiness, her cute demeanor, and her ability to wrap her head around serious issues when she needs to while the girl is in love with the things her man buys for her (until she gets tired of them) and his money (until he becomes poor).
I can't help but feel pity for those who give their love, true and justified, to another who can not love them in return or, perhaps, not in the same way. Maybe it's because I often end up playing that guy. One friend of mine once told me not too long ago, bewildered as to why I could not find a suitable special someone, "You have so much love to give but... I don't know. You never get the chance... [girls] never give you the chance." Thus, I came up with my ass-backwards solution: If I'm rich I can pay someone to love me. I mean, it wouldn't literally be "Hello, girl. I'll give you $2000 to love me for a month." No, more like I would spend so much on her and make her happy (which would make me happy) that she would tolerate me and, in return, allow me to hold her hand... maybe even in public!
Yes, it's stupid. No, It's not too far fetched. I think my theory could prove to be very successful with many females these days. But it would not certainly work with all girls... and hopefully I can find one of them that will love me back. Really, that's what I'd really like: Someone to return my love. Love, if it could even be called that, would be so hollow if I loved her so deeply and she loved me strictly for my material riches. I want her to love me because I'd treat her well and with respect; because I'd be loyal; because I'd be able to provide for her emotionally and materially; because I'd be there whenever I could be. Yeah, I'd want to spoil her (because, after all, I love her) but it certainly wouldn't be one of the most vital things our relationship would be built upon. I might be asking a lot (more than most), but I'd want her to love me for who I am.
But considering, not only my unchanging single-status, but how little interest is sent my way... Well, I suppose I better start saving up.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
"Only God Knows Why"
"I've said it too many times and I still stand firm:
'You get what you put in and people get what they deserve'
Still I aint seen mine, no I aint seen mine.
I've been given but just aint been gettin'
I've been walkin that thin line."
It's a topic I've covered in blogs and conversations in the past, but I am constantly made aware of this. What am I talking about? I'm talking about karma.
For those who don't have any idea what karma is, I suppose I should enlighten you, as it will appear several times throughout this post. For those of you who think they know what karma is, I suggest you read on as well. Karma has its origins in Hinduism and Buddhism. According to their philosophies, karma is "The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny", specifically, "a person's actions affecting his or her fate in the next reincarnation." However, nowadays, karma has become among many other words in the English language that is no longer used properly. Today, karma is commonly known as the metaphysical or supernatural force that rewards or punishes you for your previous actions; if you do "good" things for your environment and people around you, things will happen in your favor whereas, if you do "bad" things, "bad things will happen to you.* Basically, if you follow the Golden Rule, you'll be rewarded with happiness of equal or greater measure and if you don't, you're screwed.
For here on out, unless otherwise stated, I will be referring to karma as the second "definition" states.
I don't believe in karma.
It may be an unpopular thought in this day and age, but I have little reason to believe in karma. At least, I have little reason to believe that karma works for me. This isn't to say, however, that I act without regard for the well-being of others or my surroundings.
Those who believe in karma believe that if they do well by others that they will prosper on multiple levels. In a world where satisfaction and happiness seem so hard to come by, it's not a bad deal: be good to people and better things will happen to you. It's quite a good sell. I mean, don't you just want to go out there and help an old lady cross the street or give me a foot massage at the thought of wonderful things happening to you?
And what about all the bad people in the world? Cheaters, killers, thieves, liars. Why, they're going to get what's coming to them, I'll tell ya what. They'll wish they'd have spent their time making the world a better place and helping others. They'll wish they didn't mess with karma. Yup, karma means justice for all.
One reason for why many people live by karma doesn't lie in the outside world, but within ourselves. Many people believe that a major key to prosperity (physically, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually) lies in karma. Their philosophy, as it were, may go something like "I want to do good things so good things can happen to me". They do well, not so much in the interest of the benefit of others, but for themselves so they might prosper from the rewards karma might heap upon them.
Of course, not everyone who believes in karma does so for such superficial reasons. One might adhere to the philosophy of karma so that one might avoid any unnecessary unpleasantness brought on by "negative" actions or ignorance towards the needs of others.
These are both fair reasons one might live their lives by this spin-off of the Ethic of Reciprocity. There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve one's chances for prosperity nor is there anything wrong with side-stepping possible unfortunate events. So, why is it that I've chosen to shun karma?
If karma is indeed a real force in our world, I must not be affected by it. The same goes for many many others in the world. So many people give of themselves for the good and well-being of others and, in the end, they've little to show for it. At the same time, some people commit crimes to various degrees and still come away from it smiling, leaving their victims to deal with the anger and sorrow brought on by such injustice.
Apart from performing and writing and doing other creative things, I feel that my life is most fulfilled when I'm helping others; serving others in whatever way I can so long as their own intentions are just (according to my own philosophies). This ranges from simple things like holding doors for people to lending an ear to one who needs to rant to being a shoulder to cry on to being a mediator in heated arguments. I try to be there for others and when my effort is acknowledge, it's kind of nice. When I see my efforts actually being useful and serving their intended purpose, it fills me with a kind of satisfaction. The same kind I get when I'm on stage or writing music. It's the kind of satisfaction you get when you know you're doing what you were meant to do and you're doing it well.
Despite this, since 2006, I've felt like I've slowly been losing so much I've considered important. I'm not saying it's been an abysmal two years; there have been many good times along the way. But the single-most significant thing that was "given" to me was taken away ("Gone Away"). The relationships with the friends whom I'd considered amongst my best now hinge on next-to-nothing and I'm often overtaken by lonliness ("Don't You Forget About Me" , "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" ). Creative projects I'd poured myself into never came to fruition ("Long Time"). I don't believe in "luck" but if I did, I would say that I have very very bad luck (actually, others will testify to that too). I feel constantly bombarded by things, big and small, that are at work to bring me down.
And I have been down.
I know that I'm not the only one being dealt a poor hand. Heck, some people have it a lot worse than I do. Some don't have the strength or the support to get through their own personal Hell and they just... give up. I nearly did myself once. Somehow I manage to keep moving when I'm knocked down. I will always get back up and I will always keep living the way I think I should: serving others whenever I'm needed and I'll do it with or without Karma in my life. I may be down, but it's not going to sway my ideals and I'll be damned (quite literally) if I'm going to throw in the towel.
'You get what you put in and people get what they deserve'
Still I aint seen mine, no I aint seen mine.
I've been given but just aint been gettin'
I've been walkin that thin line."
It's a topic I've covered in blogs and conversations in the past, but I am constantly made aware of this. What am I talking about? I'm talking about karma.
For those who don't have any idea what karma is, I suppose I should enlighten you, as it will appear several times throughout this post. For those of you who think they know what karma is, I suggest you read on as well. Karma has its origins in Hinduism and Buddhism. According to their philosophies, karma is "The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny", specifically, "a person's actions affecting his or her fate in the next reincarnation." However, nowadays, karma has become among many other words in the English language that is no longer used properly. Today, karma is commonly known as the metaphysical or supernatural force that rewards or punishes you for your previous actions; if you do "good" things for your environment and people around you, things will happen in your favor whereas, if you do "bad" things, "bad things will happen to you.* Basically, if you follow the Golden Rule, you'll be rewarded with happiness of equal or greater measure and if you don't, you're screwed.
For here on out, unless otherwise stated, I will be referring to karma as the second "definition" states.
I don't believe in karma.
It may be an unpopular thought in this day and age, but I have little reason to believe in karma. At least, I have little reason to believe that karma works for me. This isn't to say, however, that I act without regard for the well-being of others or my surroundings.
Those who believe in karma believe that if they do well by others that they will prosper on multiple levels. In a world where satisfaction and happiness seem so hard to come by, it's not a bad deal: be good to people and better things will happen to you. It's quite a good sell. I mean, don't you just want to go out there and help an old lady cross the street or give me a foot massage at the thought of wonderful things happening to you?
And what about all the bad people in the world? Cheaters, killers, thieves, liars. Why, they're going to get what's coming to them, I'll tell ya what. They'll wish they'd have spent their time making the world a better place and helping others. They'll wish they didn't mess with karma. Yup, karma means justice for all.
One reason for why many people live by karma doesn't lie in the outside world, but within ourselves. Many people believe that a major key to prosperity (physically, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually) lies in karma. Their philosophy, as it were, may go something like "I want to do good things so good things can happen to me". They do well, not so much in the interest of the benefit of others, but for themselves so they might prosper from the rewards karma might heap upon them.
Of course, not everyone who believes in karma does so for such superficial reasons. One might adhere to the philosophy of karma so that one might avoid any unnecessary unpleasantness brought on by "negative" actions or ignorance towards the needs of others.
These are both fair reasons one might live their lives by this spin-off of the Ethic of Reciprocity. There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve one's chances for prosperity nor is there anything wrong with side-stepping possible unfortunate events. So, why is it that I've chosen to shun karma?
If karma is indeed a real force in our world, I must not be affected by it. The same goes for many many others in the world. So many people give of themselves for the good and well-being of others and, in the end, they've little to show for it. At the same time, some people commit crimes to various degrees and still come away from it smiling, leaving their victims to deal with the anger and sorrow brought on by such injustice.
Apart from performing and writing and doing other creative things, I feel that my life is most fulfilled when I'm helping others; serving others in whatever way I can so long as their own intentions are just (according to my own philosophies). This ranges from simple things like holding doors for people to lending an ear to one who needs to rant to being a shoulder to cry on to being a mediator in heated arguments. I try to be there for others and when my effort is acknowledge, it's kind of nice. When I see my efforts actually being useful and serving their intended purpose, it fills me with a kind of satisfaction. The same kind I get when I'm on stage or writing music. It's the kind of satisfaction you get when you know you're doing what you were meant to do and you're doing it well.
Despite this, since 2006, I've felt like I've slowly been losing so much I've considered important. I'm not saying it's been an abysmal two years; there have been many good times along the way. But the single-most significant thing that was "given" to me was taken away ("Gone Away"). The relationships with the friends whom I'd considered amongst my best now hinge on next-to-nothing and I'm often overtaken by lonliness ("Don't You Forget About Me" , "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" ). Creative projects I'd poured myself into never came to fruition ("Long Time"). I don't believe in "luck" but if I did, I would say that I have very very bad luck (actually, others will testify to that too). I feel constantly bombarded by things, big and small, that are at work to bring me down.
And I have been down.
I know that I'm not the only one being dealt a poor hand. Heck, some people have it a lot worse than I do. Some don't have the strength or the support to get through their own personal Hell and they just... give up. I nearly did myself once. Somehow I manage to keep moving when I'm knocked down. I will always get back up and I will always keep living the way I think I should: serving others whenever I'm needed and I'll do it with or without Karma in my life. I may be down, but it's not going to sway my ideals and I'll be damned (quite literally) if I'm going to throw in the towel.
Friday, October 3, 2008
"Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life"
Anyone who's accidentally stumbled across this blog of mine, I'm sure, is almost certain to say "bloody hell, this guy should quit moanin' and groanin' and stop being so said and depressed!" If you happen to fall under this category, stick it up your ass and try not to enjoy it. I write how I feel and, besides, I'm not writing this garbage for anyone but myself. If you happen to come across my little corner of the Internet, spend your time reading it, then mope about wasting your time, don't blame me (see post "Pilot")! Besides, I'm not always moping and crying and sad.
Cheer up, Butters
We all get handed lemons in life... some people have to deal with more than others. In fact, when you think about it, in this world we're living in, we always have good reason to be worried or upset or angry or sorrowful. Then again, there are many reasons to celebrate, laugh, smile, and shed tears of joy.
I know that much of the posts on this site are downers, but I have much to be thankful for and a lot of reasons to smile and be happy. I'm not just talking about the cliched things people think of when told to look on the bright side, like a roof over one's head or food on the table or clothing to wear (though it is important not to take these things for granted). The truth is, those cliches aside, I could go on for hours and hours about what's wrong with in my life and all the things in the past I wish I could change and how bleak the future may be, but I could go for days on end talking about the great things in my life I'm so thankful for and reminisce about the good old days and look forward to what the future may hold.
It isn't always easy to look at the bright side of life though. Sometimes we need a little something to remind us of this and effectively divert our attention away from our sorrows. Even though the things that might be troubling us may be things we have to face and deal with in our lives (like bills, school, or work, to name a few), we shouldn't constantly be dwelling on them 24 hours a day; a nice, well-placed distraction is good from time to time. Spending time with friends or family, watching a film or a show on T.V., reading a book, playing video games, building models. All these and countless other things can help divert our attention from sad dreary thoughts towards things that may cause us to forget our troubles and enjoy life or have some personal meaning to us.
There are some "distractions", however, that would fall under that the category of "vices". These can include, but are not limited to, alcohol, drugs, and sex (these are the most common vices employed as distractions). These, though not always considered immoral, can lead to more grief and sorrow in our lives. I know you might be asking, "Who's never gotten piss-drunk, smoked just a little marijuana, or engaged in lusty, erotic, loveless sex?"(the answer: me). Many people engage in these acts but some of them commit them excessively and this can lead to damaging one's life further, giving one more things to worry about and less things to smile about.
The things that cause us worry and grief are often there to remind us of things in our lives that need to be taken care of. The things that provide us true joy and happiness in our lives are the reasons we live for. Lastly, the things that can give us superficial happiness often lead to more worry and grief when employed to the point of being excessive. I know it's hard to keep your head up when so much is weighing on your mind. I can imagine it's hard to keep from going on a binge when the urge hits you. Bottom line though: Life's a bitch, don't screw yourself over, and keep on smiling. As the wise Brendan Wong once said, "Have fun and be happy."
There ya go...
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