"And if your train's on time you can get to work by nine
And start your slaving job to get your pay
If you ever get annoyed, look at me I'm self-employed
I love to work at nothing all day"
I've been out of work for nearly two months now. I have to admit, I've been bored out of my mind lately. Not bored enough to go back to the working at the convention center, but still, I really need to fill my hours with something productive.
It hasn't been all lazing about for me though. I've begun writing a new novel (the one I was working on previously is on hold until I can find the inspiration to overcome my writer's block) and that takes up sometimes up to eight hours of my day (I try to write at least two hours a day). I haven't written/ recorded any new songs lately, but I'm still fiddling around with my guitar everyday. One of these days, something will come to me.
I'm glad I've been able to rediscover my creative side which has laid dormant for so long. I remember now how important my creativity and expression through my work is to me. Hopefully, this will pay off someday (I should probably set up that MySpace or YouTube account like people keep suggesting so I can start being heard on the net).
Despite all the leaps I've made in awakening my creative side, living day-to-day still costs money. I have money put away and I've slowly been milking it as I need to. Things like food, bathroom amenities, and cell phone, internet, and cable bills are a few costs I need to stay on top of. The thing is, though I've learned to be quite thrifty compared to when I was working, I'm not the greatest money-saver and not beyond succumbing to the temptation of the impulse-buy section of the supermarket.
I financially, I can float on for a little while longer, but honestly I'd like to be able to spend just a little more freely. Also, I need to fill my free hours in the day with something and, as much as I enjoy just sitting on the couch watching "Sue Thomas: F.B. Eye", I think it'd be a good idea to get at least a part-time job. Thus, I have been on the hunt for a job over the last few weeks.
Everybody says, with my previous exemplary work history, I can get whatever job I like. The truth: not really. My work history allows me to work office-related jobs, as well as supervisory positions. I really would rather not work in an office again, but I don't mind supervising others. Honestly, I'd like to try my hand at retail. Not just anywhere though. I'd like to work in a music store or a bookstore. If I'm going to work in retail, I want to be selling a product I believe in and support. So, I've sent my resume to numerous locations, both online and in person.
Three weeks and dozens of resumes and applications later, I finally had an interview. It was at a bookstore downtown and it was scheduled for last Monday. It looked as if I'd caught a break! Not so much.
Apparently, the company does their interviews in pairs and the guy I was paired up with was a 20-something (my age) guy who modern girls probably swoon over. Good looks can get you anything, so he was already one point ahead of me. We were introduced to the person who would be conducting our interview. She was pleasant, fairly attractive lady who smiled brightly (and I could've sworn she blushed) when she shook the hand of my rival job-seeker. She nodded politely to me and my extended hand and she lead us into a back-room where the interview would take place. Great! Now the person interviewing us has the hots for him. Him-2. Me-0.
As we were bombarded with questions my rival proceeded to answer with monosyllabic responses. I had to make sure they knew I was capable of handling myself and, since I've never worked in a retail environment before, I was willing to learn whatever was needed to do my job properly. I thought to myself yes! I've finally got the one-up on this guy!
Then he went and played his trump card.
He told the lady that he'd worked for that book company before and was familiar with the way their stores operated and thus had all the retail experience he needed. That was it! Three strikes! I was out. I know that's true, because I haven't been called back.
I know I'm not the only looking for work. This recession is really kicking everybody's ass these days. Every month, jobs are being lost by the thousands and people are taking whatever they can get and holding on to whatever they have. As much as I hope to get a job in these tumultuous times, I just want the whole damn recession to blow over so people won't have to worry so much about weither or not they're going to have a job to support their families tomorrow or not.
And I've really been thinking: maybe it was entirely the wrong time to sacrifice my job for my creative rebirth...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
"Learning To Fly"
"Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out for God knows where
I guess I'll know when I get there"
It's been a while since I've blogged. Not that I haven't wanted to. I've had plenty of urges to just pour myself onto the screen since my last entry. To tell the truth though, I've been quite busy lately. Busy going out with friends, rebuilding some sort of social life. Busy keeping things in order around the house (save for my room, it's fairly tidy and, despite my bachelor status, I quite like it like that). Busy, trying to strengthen my relationship with my family. When I have the time to blog, I'm often too tired to concentrate on it so, if I do end up writing anything, it just gets scrapped later. Also, if I get the urge to let myself hang out on my little corner of the world-wide web, I usually too... uhm... distraught to bring myself to do it. Not a good thing.
In any case, tomorrow is a pretty important day, not for myself, but for my sister (the middle one). Tomorrow is her graduation ceremony. I can hardly believe it: my little sister, graduating! Every time I think of it, I begin to wonder where all the time has gone.
My sister and barely ever got along when we were younger. I won't go as far as to say I hated my sister, but for a long time I really really REALLY didn't like her at all! My parents shifted a lot of their frustrations and scrutiny to me (still do) while my sister was the golden child. She did everything that she was told to do in the way she was told to do it, even into her early high school days. I don't think she ever noticed it back then, but my parents' showering of adoration over my lil sis was starting to give her a big head. She started to realize she had a one-up on me, and would sometimes use that to her advantage.
That's not to say she was completely evil. Despite all her annoyances and displays of poor attitude, she still cared about me. This side of her would show when I was being berated (probably by my dad) for no-good-reason. She hated to see me upset and was aware of the occasional unjustness being dealt to me. Most of all, I think she hated to see me and my parents disagreeing with one another. I remember she would cry while my parents (probably just my dad) and I argued.
For a long while she had lived a life where I took the blunt of the frustrations my parents had while she bathed in their sheltered adoration and doting. However, I think she really began to mature after I had taken up residence in our basement suite. This left her alone with my mom dad and our recently born youngest sister. With me around not nearly enough to absorb all their ire and criticism, it fell to my sister. It all happened pretty fast and I saw it very soon after I'd moved downstairs. The sudden change was quite overwhelming for her and I remember there was one day she came to me to talk about the trouble she was having with mum n' dad. I thought when she finally felt how I'd felt, I would feel content, happy that the tables had finally turned on her. Instead, I felt sympathy. I knew the position she was in and the pressure she was under and I couldn't help but feel for her. That was the first time she'd opened up to me.
Though we were starting to finally get along (after something like fourteen years), we were hardly Richard and Karen Carpenter. We still had our differences. The biggest and most prominent was my sister's decision to follow in the religious footsteps of my parents. I've got no problem with that. I'm not anti-religious whatsoever. However, in doing so, she felt it necessary to condemn me for sinful ways at every chance possible. This carried on for a long time and probably peaked just as I was beginning my second, and current, bout with depression.
This depression of mine has been a real monkey on my back (to put it VERY LIGHTLY). Despite being the worst thing ever, in some ways, it has served as a blessing in disguise. One such way was the way it brought my sister and I closer than ever before.
I remember one day after I'd been berated by my parents (oblivious to my condition), my sister came down to see me and I was very quiet. Now, normally, she'd probably use the opportunity to diss me or piss me off with her often-untimely sarcasm. Instead she asked if I was okay. She hadn't been aware of the heated discussion between my parents and I and I don't think I was exhibiting any other signs of distress. It was as if she could sense something wrong, like that link that some siblings have with each other or something (or is that strictly twins...?). Months later, after everyone was well aware of my depression and my dad went on that months-long streak of not speaking to each other, my sister and I ended up having a conversation. It was the first time I can ever remember the both of us having a real conversation about real current personal affairs. We talked until about one in the morning about everything from family, to her fast-approaching graduation, to ideologies and codes of ethics. After 16 years, my sister and I actually got to know each other and over time my sister became my friend.
I bought her a graduation gift today. I'd have gotten her something a bit larger and more substantial but I'm out of the job so I hope she likes it. I got her Dr. Suess' "Oh, The Places You'll Go". Yeah, I know it's hardly an original graduation gift. The message contained inside though... well, I couldn't have said it better myself. She has so much potential and so many opportunities and I just want her to know that as she strives to reach her goals, whatever they may be, I will be right beside her, cheering her on and picking her up when she feels like she can't go on. After all, I'd be a pretty crappy brother if I didn't do that.
My sister has sure grown up a lot. I'm so very proud of her and what she's become and eagerly await everything she will be. Whatever she becomes, I will always be proud of her and I will always love her. I hope she knows this.
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out for God knows where
I guess I'll know when I get there"
It's been a while since I've blogged. Not that I haven't wanted to. I've had plenty of urges to just pour myself onto the screen since my last entry. To tell the truth though, I've been quite busy lately. Busy going out with friends, rebuilding some sort of social life. Busy keeping things in order around the house (save for my room, it's fairly tidy and, despite my bachelor status, I quite like it like that). Busy, trying to strengthen my relationship with my family. When I have the time to blog, I'm often too tired to concentrate on it so, if I do end up writing anything, it just gets scrapped later. Also, if I get the urge to let myself hang out on my little corner of the world-wide web, I usually too... uhm... distraught to bring myself to do it. Not a good thing.
In any case, tomorrow is a pretty important day, not for myself, but for my sister (the middle one). Tomorrow is her graduation ceremony. I can hardly believe it: my little sister, graduating! Every time I think of it, I begin to wonder where all the time has gone.
My sister and barely ever got along when we were younger. I won't go as far as to say I hated my sister, but for a long time I really really REALLY didn't like her at all! My parents shifted a lot of their frustrations and scrutiny to me (still do) while my sister was the golden child. She did everything that she was told to do in the way she was told to do it, even into her early high school days. I don't think she ever noticed it back then, but my parents' showering of adoration over my lil sis was starting to give her a big head. She started to realize she had a one-up on me, and would sometimes use that to her advantage.
That's not to say she was completely evil. Despite all her annoyances and displays of poor attitude, she still cared about me. This side of her would show when I was being berated (probably by my dad) for no-good-reason. She hated to see me upset and was aware of the occasional unjustness being dealt to me. Most of all, I think she hated to see me and my parents disagreeing with one another. I remember she would cry while my parents (probably just my dad) and I argued.
For a long while she had lived a life where I took the blunt of the frustrations my parents had while she bathed in their sheltered adoration and doting. However, I think she really began to mature after I had taken up residence in our basement suite. This left her alone with my mom dad and our recently born youngest sister. With me around not nearly enough to absorb all their ire and criticism, it fell to my sister. It all happened pretty fast and I saw it very soon after I'd moved downstairs. The sudden change was quite overwhelming for her and I remember there was one day she came to me to talk about the trouble she was having with mum n' dad. I thought when she finally felt how I'd felt, I would feel content, happy that the tables had finally turned on her. Instead, I felt sympathy. I knew the position she was in and the pressure she was under and I couldn't help but feel for her. That was the first time she'd opened up to me.
Though we were starting to finally get along (after something like fourteen years), we were hardly Richard and Karen Carpenter. We still had our differences. The biggest and most prominent was my sister's decision to follow in the religious footsteps of my parents. I've got no problem with that. I'm not anti-religious whatsoever. However, in doing so, she felt it necessary to condemn me for sinful ways at every chance possible. This carried on for a long time and probably peaked just as I was beginning my second, and current, bout with depression.
This depression of mine has been a real monkey on my back (to put it VERY LIGHTLY). Despite being the worst thing ever, in some ways, it has served as a blessing in disguise. One such way was the way it brought my sister and I closer than ever before.
I remember one day after I'd been berated by my parents (oblivious to my condition), my sister came down to see me and I was very quiet. Now, normally, she'd probably use the opportunity to diss me or piss me off with her often-untimely sarcasm. Instead she asked if I was okay. She hadn't been aware of the heated discussion between my parents and I and I don't think I was exhibiting any other signs of distress. It was as if she could sense something wrong, like that link that some siblings have with each other or something (or is that strictly twins...?). Months later, after everyone was well aware of my depression and my dad went on that months-long streak of not speaking to each other, my sister and I ended up having a conversation. It was the first time I can ever remember the both of us having a real conversation about real current personal affairs. We talked until about one in the morning about everything from family, to her fast-approaching graduation, to ideologies and codes of ethics. After 16 years, my sister and I actually got to know each other and over time my sister became my friend.
I bought her a graduation gift today. I'd have gotten her something a bit larger and more substantial but I'm out of the job so I hope she likes it. I got her Dr. Suess' "Oh, The Places You'll Go". Yeah, I know it's hardly an original graduation gift. The message contained inside though... well, I couldn't have said it better myself. She has so much potential and so many opportunities and I just want her to know that as she strives to reach her goals, whatever they may be, I will be right beside her, cheering her on and picking her up when she feels like she can't go on. After all, I'd be a pretty crappy brother if I didn't do that.
My sister has sure grown up a lot. I'm so very proud of her and what she's become and eagerly await everything she will be. Whatever she becomes, I will always be proud of her and I will always love her. I hope she knows this.
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