"Don't You Forget About Me"

"Tell me your troubles and doubts.
Give me everything, inside and out...
... Will you recognize me?
Call my name or walk on by?"

B.F.F. That's what people used to call each other back in grade-school days. "Best Friends Forever" It's such a sweet and innocent idea. Even I couldn't help but give in to such a notion. But I did. I believed very strongly that such a relationship could be forged. No, I didn't believe in fairies, dragons, Santa Clause, or the perfect girl, but I believed that the friendships I created were meant to last.

Since I was quite young, I'd say 14 or 15, I'd always tried to find the best way to conduct myself morally and at the same time individually. A way to create my own identity and to step on as few toes as possible. This lead to me being blessed with a rather vast number of friends during my high-school years. And, as anyone who is at all sociable, I somehow managed to find myself in a sort of clique. I say "sort of" because it was, in a way, a clique that defied or satirized all other cliques. They were part of my inner circle and I was a part of theirs.
Aside from being one who could, more or less, chill with any group I chose, I was frequently approached for advice. I've made it a point to try and understand and relate to every one's perspective(s) as well as help them see other options invisible to them due to pride, irrationality, or other hindrances. This more mature way of thinking kept me rather busy as a number of them considered me their therapist. Many people would tell me their problems; rant to me of their boyfriend/ girlfriend troubles, their schoolwork worries, and even tension in the family. All the while, I wasn't the least bit annoyed by anyone. I considered it an honor that so much trust was being placed on me. It was certainly a wise investment of my time to study, learn, and understand how people act.
It seemed as if it would be that way forever. I knew it wouldn't, but that knowledge just kept getting pushed to the back of my mind. I was too busy enjoying the company the good people of my class. I got my first taste of true relationship dissolution in the eleventh grade. I was part of a very tight-knit group back then. We were all very happy and got along rather well for the size and considerable diversity of the people within. To make a long story short, our dissolution was very slow and painful. I found it particularly hurting due to the facts that I was not directly involved in the numerous conflicts that led to our eventual divorce and that I had to watch, from front-row seats, the bonds I'd once thought unbreakable disintegrate into nothing. I had somehow managed to maintain good relationships from our now defunct family but it was never the same.
Senior year: one by one they fell. Friendships transformed into rivalries. Lovers became haters. Though circumstances varied from instance to instance, the outcome was becoming all too common. It hurt me to see friends so quickly cast away so precious a thing as friendship. And, though in reality I understood, I was baffled as to why anyone ruin a good romantic relationship. In short, by the time I'd graduated, I was left to wonder: how long would I stay friends with those I was honored to call as such during my high-school years? One year? two years? A few months?
It's been about a year and half now and where do I stand? I don't know where exactly, but it sure feels as if I stand alone. Sure, I still care a great deal about them, but there is an unmistakable rift between me and everyone else.
Everyone seems to have found their own group. Some including others from school. Other gaining brand new friends in their universities or workplaces. I no longer have a group. I've recently admit that. I have friends from my old hangout group but that group, all though they all still get along very well (more or less), is no longer, rather CAN no longer, be considered a group.
Sure, I'm still contacted every now and then. Sometimes it's to hang out. Even rarer are the times when I'm called upon to listen to their troubles. I do cherish those times when I am called upon to do one of the things I do best: listen. This usually leads to a brief fluctuation in the amount of time devoted to me as a friend. However, as soon as they are back on their feet, They are back to their group and, though I regret nothing of the experience, I go back to being very much by myself.
So, why don't I just go and find myself a group? Well, the general consensus is that I am far more mature in my ways then many if not most of my friends. They even say that I could fair quite well if I were to date a woman ten years or more older than me (I actually wouldn't complain let alone mind). I don't fit in to the vast majority of those my own age because 1) I am not much of a clubbing/ raving type 2) I'm not much of a drinker; I'll take a glass of red wine over a couple of beers any day 3) Though I can talk and relate to many of the topics most of my peers enjoy discussing, I yearn quite strongly for more mature conversation. Conversation with deeper meaning, relative importance, and/or just plain old one-on-one personal talk. (I'll admit that, on the third note, I tend to lean the conversation in what I assume is a favorable topic such as the irrelevant humor of Will Ferrel or Family Guy. I rarely delve into more personal and important matters unless the topic is visibly present in the way the other person is presenting them self.)

So. what do I do? Do I wait until my peers have grown up and finally start acting my age (I'm not saying they are immature and definitely not saying they are inferior to me. If anything, I am vastly inferior to them.)? Do I try to fit in with crowds? Do I try dating woman much older than me (Again, I really don't mind)? The only thing I do know is I don't want to be alone anymore.


P.S. Have you seen the trailer for the new Star Trek movie? OH MY GAAAAAAAWD!!! CAN'T HARDLY WAIT!