"You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You"

"You may be king, you may possess the world and its gold,
But gold won't bring you happiness when you're growing old."

Since last month, right around Christmas time, one topic has constantly come up over and over again. Both relatives and co-workers alike have joined forces to incessantly remind me that I am single. Barely a day has gone by when someone hasn't said something along the lines of "So, do you have a girlfriend?" or "Hey, how many girlfriends do you have?". Then I tell them I'm still flying solo and the wave of disappointment is almost always visible on their faces.
I'm glad they don't ask why; my reasoning is a tad bit lengthy. Not necessarily because I'm long-winded and almost enjoy going into detail (which is no surprise to anyone reading these posts) but because, when presented with the bare facts, it seems rather illogical. However, if one can survive my lengthy explanation, even the wisest of Vulcans would have to say that my reasoning is quite logical... unfortunately.

I was born a hopeless romantic. I think I skipped the phase in my youth where I'm supposed to want to bang every girl that'll show enough skin. In fact, I can't recall ever being the guy to say "Yo, that girl over there is fiiiiiiiiine" or something. I always thought that was rude and wasn't the way to go about finding someone compatible.
My way of showing initial affection bared a stark difference to what the modern male flirt holds in his arsenal. I thought standing up for a girl and showing her kindness and doting upon her were a part of showing a girl that you care. Instead, I've found that in order to get a date with girls my age, I need to tease them to the point of vexation (which apparently does not occur if the girl reciprocates the same feelings toward the male) and I need to have a body like Fabio.
My character also causes problems in the pursuit of romance. Firstly, though I can fit in easily with just about anyone or any group, I do not easily fit into one single niche; my taste in just about everything is very eclectic. For example: I dig Metal music but would probably not get along with a metal-head girl because I also like Frank Sinatra and Duran Duran and Green Day. Or I can't go out with a die-hard Star Wars fan because, aside from being a die-hard Star Wars fan myself, I am also a die-hard fan of Star TREK... and to Jedis and Trekkies alike, this is unacceptable.
Secondly: According to just about everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) I am much more mature than most people my age. So much so that, in fact, many of my friend believe I would make a fine couple with a woman in her late twenties to mid-thirties. Not that I'm complaining. I couldn't really care less how old a woman was as long as I find her attractive on the inside (though attractive on the outside would be a big plus).
Anyways, it seems as if I’ve always been doomed to fail. I’ve found that my chances of getting anything off the ground are extremely low. Not to mention, if anything actually DOES start to work out for me, it always ends terribly (Well, I don’t know if I can use “always” for only two situations… but they both ended real shitty) However, this still leaves much unsaid as to why I’m retiring from the game of Love.
I suppose my "decision" to go it alone can be traced back to about spring 2006. Having finally found enough courage to put myself out there again after long period of shyness, I was shot down in a burning flame. I would have been very happy (Okay, so not “very happy” but more satisfied) with a simple lie like “I don’t think it’d work out.” But no! It had to be taken to extremes and words had to be said! Words like “You’re the greatest and the nicest any guy has been to me. I just don’t want to hurt you.” I could understand her situation… enough to not be mad at all at being shot down. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like a worth turd complete with corn kernels.
Then the summer rolled around and Love came knocking again. I wasn’t looking for it (I never really “look” for it) but it found me. We hadn't known each other for very long but it felt as if I’d known her my whole life. Within an hour of our chance meeting, we were laughing and talking as if we’d been friends forever. It didn’t take long until I had that feeling. You know, the one that people always talk about? The one they all say “When the right person comes along, you can feel it.”. I felt it, as sure as I live and breath I knew I was in love with her. That’s not to say that everything between us was always smooth sailing (No way!) but as much as I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t a good idea, I kept coming to the same conclusion: I’m in Love with her.
When she passed away I was barely able to keep myself together. If a few of my friends hadn’t been there for me, I don’t where I’d be.
I knew that one day I’d Love again. But Love was the last thing on my mind for a while. Every time I thought about Love I would be reminded of her. But, then again, like I said, Love comes finding me when I’m not looking.
What if you had just lost someone you loved more dearly than you’ve ever loved anyone before? What if you thought you’d never love again? What if, against all odds, you actually found yourself liking or even loving someone again after the ordeal? What if a girl told you “Why can’t I find a guy just like you?”, hmm? You’d be flattered, right? Especially if you had begun to develop feelings toward her. Maybe, but not after putting yourself, once again, on the line and getting turned down. I should know... because that's what happened to me.

This all leads me to what I started with: my love hiatus. Now, you may say it’s silly, but you’ll no doubt find it logical. My reason for refraining from getting into any sort of relationship is as follows: Twice, I have been told how good and sweet I am (God, I hate hearing that!) and in both cases I have not been classified as boyfriend material. One must conclude that, assuming 100% is absolutely everything a girl needs and wants when being courted, then who I am cannot equal more than 49%. (all figuratively speaking, of course) Since this is so, I have concluded that I can’t have a relationship with anyone because, if I were to ask them out, I would be asking them to settle for something less than what they could have (50% or more). And if they were to approach me, seeing that I would not be one to make the first move, I would have to turn them down because, if I do care, I shouldn’t allow them to settle for someone like me; If I truly care, I feel that they should be with someone that can be so much more fulfilling than I could ever be.
Make sense now? Good. Stop asking if I have a girlfriend now.