When you're down and out.
In your pocket, not one penny,
And as for friends, you don't have any."
I'm just feeling kind of stressed out right now. I'd much rather be talking to someone... feels better that way... but I know better than to bore others with my problems, not that I even know who would let me do that. My blog will have to do.
For starters, I've recently found out I have less in my bank account than I'd previously thought. Actually A LOT less than I'd previously thought. I haven't been a lot of money recently though. In fact, I've barely spent anything in the past month. Yet, despite my penny-pinching and frugality, I have almost not money left. I was supposed to have enough money to pay my bills for this and the next month, but now I don't even have enough for this month's bills.
It should have been fine though. I was supposed to have some work lined up for me. I've enlisted with a background actors agency and I was supposed have gotten some work for something like five days straight. They said they'd call me if I was selected for the scene(s). I thought to myself this is great. This will give me a little more leeway with my finances. They never called me back about the shoot. They never called me back at all. They never call me back, period.
So, shucks! I wasn't too worried though. I mean, the important thing is that I can take care of my responsibilities, in this case, my bills. While out for a walk, I decided to stop by the bank to check out my balance and perhaps withdraw a few bucks. Checked my balance... not quite what I was expecting.
So, I'm nearly drained of my funds and the end of the month, bill-payment time, is fast approaching.
I mentioned before that my friends and I have been playing a game called Munchkin quite frequently. It's hella fun (yeah, I said "hella")! But I've begun to wonder if I'm called to spend time with my friends due to the fact that I own the damn game.
I get calls from my friends often enough, asking if they can come over and play Munchkin. I usually say yes, but I'm the kind of guy who likes quiet nights all to myself sometimes. A stark contrast to a few of my other friends who are, it seems, strictly nocturnal. Now, in the past they've called me at like 11pm asking if they can come over and play Munchkin. I declined: I was pretty tired/ feeling glum. But it all worked out though: they came by and picked up Munchkin from me and a jolly time was had by all.
I didn't hear from them for about a week.
Actually, it was me who broke the silence. A few of my other friends wanted to play it so I had to call up my pal who had my game. Once I had my game back, the calls started rolling in again.
Same scenario happened again today. Didn't feel like having people over at that very moment so instead they picked up the game. I probably won't hear from them until I get it back. We'll see.
So, maybe I'm being a bit paranoid here with this notion of being called strictly due to my ownership of Munchkin. Maybe. But that doesn't explain why I don't get called for anything else. Such as going out to eat and other bits of socializing. I haven't told anyone just how dire my financial situation is so, either they are assuming that I a) have no money and therefore b) am not interested in joining them on their spontaneous spending sprees or... well, maybe I'm not really wanted around?
It's all speculation on my part and maybe I'm not giving my friends enough credit. It's not that I think they're twats or anything like that. It's more like I don't know if I'm too far lacking in something (besides funds) to hang out with all the time. You know, that kind of guy who's okay to have around every now and then but you don't really want him around all the time? I think it might be me.
When you've got cash, you can do anything. You can buy the gas for your car. You can pay the rent on your place. You can go out and spend time with your mates. You can take your girlfriend to dinner. All this being said, I need a job.
The job hunt continues to this day. It's been nearly three months scince I've worked and I've handed out nearly 20 resumes in person and sent out countless resumes online. Got one call back, but I think I covered that interview in a previous post. Aside from that, I haven't heard back from anyone. The casting agency (for background actors no less) hasn't even called me with anything (except to tease me with that 5 day shoot).
So, I've got no job. No job equals no money. No money equals no car (seriously, if I knew I'd have the cash in a few months, I'd make my schedule my N-test right now). No car equals no girlfriend. (And no Munchkin equals no calls from friends (though my cell phone company will probably call me sometime soon).
So what if I write music and play guitar? So what if I'm an aspiring novelist? Who cares that I'm a non-caucasian, non-african dreaming to make it as an entertainer (C'mon! You know that puts me at a SEVERE disadvantage)? Lots of people write music and play guitar; it doesn't make me special at all! There are plenty of people who are trying to write novels... and many who have succeeded; wouldn't be a big deal if I did too. And I really should just ditch my hopes of becoming a successful entertainer/ performer; I can't even get a role as an extra! But, more on this at a later date...
Been spending a lot of time by myself. Some times I find myself just staring into nothing, just thinking. Trying to think of positive thoughts but whenever I try to do that, I end up thinking realistic thoughts (those are the opposite of positive thoughts, by the way). I've been here before. Maybe not this exact situation, but this frame of thought... this state of mind... it's all too familiar. I hate it!
Okay, I've gone on long enough with all the bull that's been piling up lately and if anyone's reading this you're probably hoping I go and become an hero so I'll stop for now.
I really do wish I had someone to talk to though. Then again, I have a habit of trying to hide my strife from people. Still...
But here's a touch of good news: "Futurama" is coming back for a new season! If I can pay my cable bill, I just might be able to see it!
It's been six years since "Futurama" was cancelled, but it's coming back for another round! 
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