"Move Along"

"Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall, everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold"

My decision to pursue venues for me to perform my music has been working out fairly well. I'm finally getting to really relieve myself of the need to perform and express myself artistically. Those were things I was counting on and I'm glad to say that, so far, I've met at least some success. What I wasn't counting on, however, was the new friends I would make along the way... and the chance encounter with a stranger-turned-friend that would make a vital impact on my life.

I've been trying my hand and open-mics since my "first gig". They've had their ups and downs. Sometimes the ups outnumber the downs... sometimes. All in all, I've been having fun playing. It's certainly been a learning experience, if anything.
I played at one place downtown. A fairly nice place too. They have the "stage" situated by a large double window that faces out into the street that, in this blazing heat, had propped wide open. I thought that was really cool. However, despite the great setting, I found the patrons to be not so favoring of original music. After performing a few of my own songs, I switched over to covers and the crowd enjoyed it much more
Aside from that place downtown, I've been hitting a few other places here and there. The sets at most other places are really short though: about 15 minutes/ 3 songs apiece. I can understand that other people want to play but, dammit, I need longer sets.
I've found myself returning to the restaurant where I had my first gig often enough though. Sure, the crowd there usually isn't very large, but hey, they listen there and I get a nice extended set (s'about 35-40 minute sets).
Aside from a longer set and the cozy intimate atmosphere, I'm encouraged to attend these open-mic sessions due to the woman who is running the event (for now: apparently she's taking over for someone else while they're on tour). Aside from being a redhead (gah! my weakness!), she has been really supportive of my musical endeavors. Not that I haven't been supported by my friends. In fact, a few weeks ago, a couple of people actually showed up to one of my sets. The thing is we don't have any sort of established friendship. If we had, I would totally expect her to say "Yeah! Your music is great! You're awesome! Woo!". Instead, despite my protests, she insists that my music is actually alright.
Speaking of my protests, my overly-modest and self-deprecating nature has come up in conversation between the two of us. This is where she's really surprised me. She's forced me, in a guiding light sort of way, to not look down at myself, boosting my confidence both as a musician and a person in general.
The issue of my low self-esteem has been one I've been struggling with for a long time and one I thought I'd gotten over until I was steeped in my current depression. Up until recently, I'd kind of just accepted it as a part of who I was. And it is, but my acceptance of it as a permanent attribute of my character has hindered me from overcoming it. She has and continues to drag me, kicking and screaming, out of this slump of low self-esteem . It's a work in progress, but someone had to do it... I wasn't fairing very well with it on my own.

I keep wondering where I'd be today were it not for the changes I've made thus far in the year. I actual fear where I'd be... if I would even "be" at all. The changes I have made in my life, though done intentionally to improve my quality of life, has yielded benefits I had no control over... that have just come due to my decision to move in the directions I've chosen. This here is a prime example: I chose to exercise the musical and performer's side of me, I got that and a lot more: I've been shown (and dragged along) the path of leading away from self-deprecation and gained a valuable ally.