"Can't Smile Without You"

You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

I must admit, I do love the holiday season. There's just something about this time of year that just brings people together, whatever the excuse. Be it Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus or whatever people celebrate at this time of year, people are enjoying themselves and glad to see the current year coming to a close (I know I am).
But, aside from all the festivities, it's my favorite part of the year. It's my favorite time of the year because I get to unleash the selfish bastard within... and this holiday season is more important to me than any other I've experienced.
Now, it's not being selfish in the traditional sense. Not in the sense that I go and collect things and hoard it all for myself... O.K. so , maybe it is in that sense, but it's not in the way that most would think! I should probably explain myself before you get the impression that I'm a filthy Scrooge.

When I try to think of things that make me happier than making other people happy, I tend to draw a blank. There's a certain satisfaction that comes with knowing you've done something to make another person's life just that much easier.
This is the main reason why I love to entertain, both as a musician and as an actor. As a musician, you can explore every inch of human emotion via melody, harmony, and lyric. Using music, one can sympathize with what another is going through, fuel their emotions, or make one forget their worries.
The same goes with acting. I mostly did comedic work... back when I used to do that kind of thing (*sigh*). There's just something about making someone laugh. In that moment of comprehension in what someone says or how someone acts that triggers one to laugh... in that moment, all one's problems don't exist. In that moment, there is no doubt or reason not to believe that life is beautiful.
But, I'm going off-topic and if I keep heading down that road I could be writing for a long long time.
So, yes, I love to make others happy. I live to make others happy. I worry when others say they are not well. This has become a problem for me. First of all, my parents are on an entirely different brainwave then I (as it were). This is problematic because my parents are never satisfied with my efforts to do anything. I am not exaggerating at all when I say "never" too. This could also branch off into its own topic, but I'll let that be for now. In short, though I feel it right to help them in whatever ways I can (or in whatever ways they will let me) , I get little satisfaction from doing so and whatever satisfaction I might feel is swept away by their discouraging nature.
Another problem that has presented itself (more so this year than ever) dwells in the arena of my friendships, or my deteriorating acquaintances with people I was once close with. They were the ones who I could always make laugh somehow... and could always make me laugh. When they were facing personal challenges, they would allow me into these hidden parts of their lives, put their trust in me, and allow me to comfort them. I would never wish anything ill for any of my friends. I just like to be there when they need a shoulder to cry on... as they have done for me.

As I'm quite sure I've mentioned before, I feel very much alone these days. More alone than I've ever felt before. I've grown apart from those I love and it doesn't feel good at all. But I still care, even for those I do not get along with... and this is the part where I explain why I'm so selfish this time of year:
This is the time of year I get to give gifts to people I love for no explainable reason. Sure, I give under the guise that it's a Christmas gift. Though that's not all untrue, the real reason I give gifts is to show these people that I love them. Aside from birthdays, one can't really just go up to one of their friends they don't speak to all too often and say "Here's a gift for. I just wanted to give it to you to show how much I appreciate you."... Yeah, you can't do that unless you want that person to think that you "like" like them. I spend endless hours thinking what would be thoughtful enough gifts to show how much I appreciate these people being in my life. I mean, these are people who have made me who I am and have been there for me... and allowed me to be there for them. Even if we don't talk that often... I want to show them I still care and am still there for them.

So there you have it: I'm a selfish Scrooge that selfishly gives to those he loves because making them happy makes him happy. So sue me. ;)