"Against The Wind"

"The years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worried about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again"

You don't have to read every past entry in my blog for this year to know that it's been quite a turmoltuous year for me. I went and read a fair amount of the entries from this year. It was, as one person who apparently reads this dribble said, "depressing". 2008 sucked... 2008 sucked hard!

It wasn't all bad though, I have to admit. Though they were few and far between, there were a few good days here and there; a few events that truly made me glad I got up that morning. Two of these accounts are recorded in the entries "Never Surrender" and "In Your Eyes". Aside from these two accounts, I also had two very good friends of mine reconcile their differences and we can now hang out together, as we once did... well, sort of. (Another very good day was the day Metal Gear Solid 4 was released... I played for 13 hours straight that day.)

I'm trying really really hard to find things that I can really be grateful and happy about this year, but I'm having a very hard time doing so. Even the good stuff I've mentioned, more or less, ended somewhat bitterly: My friend mentioned in the entry "In your Eyes" now shuns me and does her very best to avoid any sort of contact with me; the two friends who had kissed and made up... actually kissed and made out and now I take on my ever-recurring role as third wheel (or (odd-number)-wheel); Metal Gear Solid 4 was reportedly the final installment in the video game series that revolutionized the way I view video games.

I must say, though, if I'm taking anything positive away from this year it is that I've learned to appreciate the little minute things more than ever. As sad as it might sound, I appreciate every moment someone takes to spend with me; every time a co-worker greets me in passing rather than looking at the ground to avoid talking to me; Every kind word, every smile sent my way.

A lot of shit's fallen on me this year and it doesn't look like I'll be leaving 2008 behind smelling like roses. That doesn't mean I've given up hope for 2009 being a good year (though it wouldn't be too hard to best 2008). After all, a conflict or any other kind of prolonged event is rarely ever measured accurately in increments of time. This was a bad year, yes, but just because 2008 is over doesn't mean I'm in the clear. Today, I'm fighting to keep myself alive... Tomorrow, in 2009, I'll be doing the same. Nothing changes.
Changes may... will only come in time and I hope I live to see the day when I'll be able to wake up in the morning and just live and love my life.