"The Times They Are A-Changin'"

"Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide, the chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who that it's namin'.
For the loser now will be later to win..."

This year has already been a big year for me. I've made quite a few changes to my life. Some changes, both good and bad, have come about without my prevocation. Even so, I'm still having trouble finding my center. I've done some hard thinking lately and I've decided my life could use a bit more change of scenery.

I've found that as we go through life, we are granted certain situations and experiences that eventually lead us to fall into some sort of groove by which we live our lives. Sometimes, if we're lucky, we fall into a groove that allows us to reach a greater depth of our potential than some. Others may find themselves just scraping by in life with no real direction or drive; a dead end. Then you've got everyone else in-between to fill the spectrum. No matter who we are though, we somehow find ourselves, more or less, "comfortable" with our lives. When this happens, unless you're on the lucky end of the spectrum, our groove seems to turn into a rut.
We end up seeing only the things that are involved with our lives and we have difficulty seeing past that. We're trapped in a box that encompasses everything that makes up our lives. Yes, we seem to have everything we need to sustain us, but we know, if we take a look at ourselves, that we hold within us such grand potential. Then, if we dare to glimpse outside our box, we see the ability to perhaps realize our potential and maybe more.
But it's not all green-grass-on-the-other-side that we see. The future is always blurry and we can never truly plan out our journey through life. Taking a peek into the unknown, we see exactly that: uncertainty. We see a world different from our own. Though it varies to certain degrees for everyone, one thing is constant: we see that in order to achieve our potential and fulfill our dreams (to whatever extent), we need to step outside our comfort zone and into the unknown.

I've known for a fairly long time that I can't work a 9-to-5 job for the rest of my life; that I have to express myself creatively. I often tell people to find jobs that they at least enjoy to a certain degree. Yet here I am, a hypocrite working a 9-to-5 job I which I dislike-borderline-hate. I've already applied for school (creative writing and/ or acting) and I previously stated that I would be leaving the company in September. However, I've recently recinded that statement... and have chosen to leave much, much earlier.
It was not a terribly easy decision to make. I mean, I have a steady, full-time job and, what with this recession going on and all, I figure that's quite a blessing (not to mention meeting a shiny girl I've taken quite a liking to). Sure, I've seriously lost touch with my creative side and I've recently sacrificed a lot of quality time with those I Love and I don't feel very fulfilled at all... but at least I have this job, right? It's safe... It's comfortable...
I need to get out now before I get too comfortable here in this job. Otherwise, I will never know what I might be able to achieve. With several plans in mind between now and September, maybe I'll be able to rediscover myself. Ignite the creative juices and passion of days-gone-by... and maybe, just maybe, bring a project or two to fruition.
Those things aside, another contributing reason for leaving is the fact that I've spent such a year of my "youth" miserable in an office doing something I don't really want to do. I want to make some worthwhile memories before I get carted off to school and have no time for anything. The example I told my boss when I told him was leaving was this: Maybe I meet up with some old friends maybe ten years down the road and we all reminisce. My friends would say things like "Hey, remember that time we all got wasted and went streaking and then we woke and didn't know where we were or why we were naked?" or "Remember that time we went on that road trip to see Taylor Swift because she didn't put Vancouver on her list of stops on her tour?" or Remember that time we made that home-made movie and it got really popular on the internet?" Then I'd say "Remember that time I worked 13 hours a day or when I had to go to work at 1 in the morning to scold my graveyard staff? HAHAHA!!!" Then you would hear the cricket noise in the background.

I'm surely thankful that I've been given the oppurtunities that have been presented to me at while working with this company and at this site. I've spent a whopping 6 years with this company at this site and in that space of time, I've moved from grunt to supervisor to head supervisor to asst. manager (though my pay rate didn't quite make that many jumps up). Along the way, I've gained valuable leadership skills and experience that I've been able to apply to my life outside of work. It's definitely been rewarding and I should consider myself lucky by all accounts. In fact, if it were anybody but me, I'm sure that would be the case. But this job isn't for me. I feel so very weathered and worn yet I don't feel that my potential has been tapped into at all. In fact, I feel that it's been stifled and that I've sacrificed myself for the good of this company. One of my goals is to take care of myself more. I've always put other people before me so much that my own needs and wants have taken a definite tertiary priority to others. In order to move towards this goal, I need to break away from this job.
I can't remember what it's like not to have a job and I've always had a constant cash flow. To tell the truth, I'm a little bit scared of not having that anymore. I've already applied for an extras casting agency so hopefully I can scoop up some pocket money (along with film-set experience) with that. But I will certainly be missing the cash flow.
Aside from that, the thing I'm going to be missing most are the people. Not so much the other people in the administration; most of them barely care to acknowledge me and couldn't care less about me (except a select few... and the receptionist at the old building... have I mentioned I've taken a shine to her yet?). It's the workers I'm going to miss the most. Working class heroes, all of them. Sure we've had a small handful are bad apples and more than a few seem to have a few screws loose. Still, I've worked with many of them since the started. Some of them I've known since they were n00bs and watched them blossom into competent supervisors. All of them have earned my respect and I am dead serious when I say that I will miss them dearly.

Come April 22nd I reach the end of an era for myself. It feels very strange... like when I knew that I was edging closer and closer to graduation. I feel relieved; stressed; anxious; scared; excited; hopeful; unsure. All rolled into one emotion (Relanxiouscarxcitunsuressedopeful?)! Yet, as I come to the end of this chapter of my life, despite all the uncertainty, I am fairly certain that this is a good move for me. And... that void of uncertainty that lies beyond my comfort zone... maybe it does hold some promise for me and if it does... I'm gonna go out and get it!