"Perfect Situation"

"Tell me there's a logic out there
leading me to better prepare
for the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me
I don't want to be lonely
for the rest of my days on the earth."

It's been just a bit over a week since my last day at work and I've been living footloose and fancy-free. Let me tell ya, I never knew a person could chill so hard, but I have been pushing the "chilling" envelope to the edge over the last few days. In other words: I have quite enjoyed the R&R this past week. Now though I am plagued by the (currently) minor problem of no longer having a steady cash-flow, I've still got past problems to deal with.
Thinking about it now, I don't know if it qualifies as a problem. I suppose it's more like an undesired state-of-being. And what state is that? Why, it's the state of being single... and I'm the bloody governor!

Over the last few months, I've thrust my self onto the road to recovery from depression and have made leaps towards improving my quality of life. Let's recap what I've covered so far: I've applied to school (what a bloody hassle!), I speak to my dad (sorta... sometimes... it's better than nothing!), I quit my job (oh, yeah!), I got my house back (OH, YEAH!), I've (nearly) paid off my debts...I can't really think of the rest right now. In any case, I feel I've been making a decent effort in fighting my depression.
This is not to say I don't slip into super-depressed mode anymore. More times than I care to admit, I find myself sitting in my living room in the dark just staring out into space feeling more than a little glum.
As I sit alone on my couch, my mind somehow wanders toward me resting on the couch snuggling or even having my arm around a special girl. Just the two of us, sitting and watching T.V. Or perhaps, we'd just sit and talk about who-the-hell-cares-what. Then again, we might just sit there doing nothing... nothing but enjoying the other's company.
During some part of my day, I try to go for a walk (alone, of course). Throughout the course of my aimless venture, I see the inevitable hoards of couples walking about. Flaunting their togetherness in a manner that screams to me "don't you wish you had this?" The truth is I do. Though I do often enjoy the solitude walking alone affords me, when you're being swamped couples at every turn, it can kind of pick at you. I fight the feeling but soon what was supposed to be a nice enjoyable walk turns into me feeling sorry for myself.

My single status is nothing new a foreign to me. Neither is loneliness. What I've been contemplating as of late, however, are the missed opportunities. Opportunities to perhaps find some lasting female companionship. Now, I know I'm not what the sane would call "hot stuff", but I like to think that girls might be able to do worse than me. That being said, I haven't exactly been overwhelmed with situations in which I might be able to go from "single" to "in a relationship".
The instances that have arisen, however, have mostly been thwarted by my poor self-esteem and poor record when it comes to asking girls out. For these, I kick myself. There have been a few cases in which poor-self esteem wasn't the chief reason for failure. One example could be that quadrilateral-crush case I'm stuck in. I can't win in that situation because A) I've most likely been friend-zoned, B) other friends are involved, and C) my accursed rule of thumb: don't ask out friends. There is a minute number of cases in which I didn't realize an opportunity had presented itself to me and/ or was too distracted by something. Also, there is a small handful of cases that I credit to me "scaring girls away" (not from being weird or stalking or anything... I'm just myself and never ever see them again
Then again, 90% of these situations I've just covered have been involving girls I probably would not like to date. I'm sure they are very nice people and I'm not very picky when it comes to looks (I believe that 95% of all women in the world can look beautiful in their own way without drastically changing themselves... I say 95% because, it's true, there are ugly women). The thing is though, they aren't my kind of girl.
I seem to be attracted to the wholesome yet flirty (though not overtly) ones. A girl who likes to have fun but not party to excess. At the same time she'd enjoy a nice quite night at home or a walk through the city. She'd wouldn't be overly materialistic, demanding all sorts of trivialities (or be mad at me if I don't get what she wants), but she'd let me spoil her and even stop me if I were to shower her with too many gifts. She'd have tons to teach me and there'd be a lot for me to teach her. She wouldn't be perfect by any means... but she'd be perfect for me.
Bah! Pipe dreams!

In any case, I shall keep a keener eye out for situations that present themselves. I shall swallow my lack of pride and take a few leaps of faith every now and then. What's a few bruises to my all-too-humble ego anyways. After all... what have I got to lose? I'm already alone.