To make the meaning come through
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late and I'm alone with you
The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red and, oh, the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all..."
Work has been busy, what with the new convention center opening and all. I've been working far too much for my paygrade; I think I raked in more than 100 hours last pay period. In the midst of all the bollocks I've been dealing with at work (including my boss raving and ranting at me to vent his frustration) I've had very little time to myself. Hell, I have actually missed two full episodes of "24" in the last couple of weeks! What the eff?! Yet, despite all the hustle and bustle and bleakness work brought me, I still managed to find a ray of sunshine in each work day... and she sits at the receptionist's desk.
They say that the most common places to meet someone and develop a relationship are school and work. This is due to the constant repeated interaction with the same or similar groups of people on a day to day basis. Also, you and the others in these groups share common goals (ie: in the workplace, getting the project done before the deadline... in school, uhm... I guess same thing, except in a classroom). These professional (or academic) commanalities lead us to interact with each other more closely than we would with people we, say, see on the bus on a daily basis. This closer interaction often eventually leads to discovering, comparing, and contrasting the personalities of others and sometimes, if that person is the appropriate gender we are attracted to, it can lead to a little bit puppy love.
(Then again, sometimes people are just horny and all they have to do is take a look at someone and decide they want to bang them. nothing more, nothing less.)
Now, I'm not currently enrolled in school so that rules out the first option and considering I'm the youngest person in the office and the next person my senior would be about late twentys (and he's a guy), I'd think I'm pretty well out of luck. So, why don't I try a few bars or clubs. Well, those aren't really my scene and I can't really imagine meeting someone I can really connect with at either of those places. Now, it looks like all that's left for me is to be set up by my friends... and I don't think anyone's gone to great lengths to do so (if at all). Not that it'd matter: I'd be a bit more worried than usual about jumping into a relationship my friends helped me get, due to the fact that I wouldn't want my friends to choose between me and their other friend if things went sour.
But then along comes this temp. I remember it was about 3 weeks ago, and I noticed the regular receptionist wasn't at the desk and I needed to have something faxed (the fax machine in engineering is crap). I introduced myself and welcomed her aboard and she appeared a decent enough gal, if not a little cold towards me. I thought it best to avoid her.
That didn't work out so well considering I still had a lot of things to fax throughout that week. On about my 3rd trip to the her desk I thought "what the hell, why not make a little small-talk. Maybe she's not as cold as I thought?" So, as I was watching the fax machine eat up my documents and spit them back out onto the little tray, I decided to ask how her day was going. It turned into very formal, very scripted small-talk. We were interrupted by the fax machine's mournful whine of having to dial the destination. I collected my things and bid her good day. As I did, she flashed me a smile and a twinkle from her eyes.
Now, some men are ass-men: they are primarily attracted to rear-ends of women. Others are most fond of breasts and conclude that the larger a woman's breasts are, the better. Some like feet and I don't know why. I, however, love the eyes. Don't get me wrong, I can admire breasts and buttocks on a women as respectfully as the word "respectfully" will allow (I'm not turned on by feet though...) but it's the eyes that get me hooked and the eyes I keep staring at when I'm talking to a girl (it's a bit strange, but I tend not to look at guys' eyes when I don't know them or they aren't a client at work... it feels like I'm, I don't know, staring at their crotch or something).
That smile and twinkle in her eyes, it made me happy. I couldn't help but smile back (really smile, not fake-smile). I knew I'd broken a wall and it was a bit of a deal for me. One, because people tend to ignore me at work and pretend like I'm not there. When I walk towards people, they look down at the ground at a very steep angle or whip out their blackberrys or something to keep them distracted. ANYTHING to keep from acknowledging my existence. She didn't ignore me; she smiled at me... I'd made a friend at the office. The second thing is that pretty girls don't smile at me unless they need something and their eyes definitely don't twinkle in my direction... and I think she is pretty.
But that's it: I just thought she was pretty and kind, seeing as that she was willing to acknowledge my existence and possibly my efforts to be friendly. I know my fair share of girls who are pretty and kind. It's not a big deal.
As days passed, I had to fax things less and less. My visits to her desk began wane. And it was just as I was starting to have more casual conversations with her too. She was quite fun to alk with; not awkward at all. I found myself missing her and always looking for an opportunity to pass by her desk if just to say "hi". Can you blame me though? She was one of the only people in the office who actually makes me feel okay with just being me, straight up.
Then convention center public opening day arrived; the day we'd all been both dreading and awaiting anxiously. She told me that she'd be working as a volunteer at the new building on that day. I'm not sure if she actually did because I scoured the whole damn building and did not see her once. It was such a bloody busy day too. All I really wanted was a friendly face I could stop and chat with for but a few moments... a few moments to give me more than enough strength to get through the day.
I got home and plopped on my couch, tired from exhaustion. That's when it finally hit me. Then again, perhaps that was when I admitted it to myself. I don't know. Either way, I knew for certain... that I was quite infatuated with her.
Believe it or not, "Never Gonna Give You Up" was one conversation piece that helped us bond initially.
I know I said I was crushing on another girl in the last post, but this is different! The girl previously mentioned is a friend of mine, and thus, would never make a move on her (read the bloody post for more details). This girl at work, however, is a friend BUT... is not so close of a friend that she is in the dreaded "friend zone". I could ask her out and not worry about ruining a dear friendship. I consulted my a few friends of mine on this and they convinced me to go for it. One of them also reminded me that she wouldn't be around much longer because she's a temp (I was beginning to think that was short for "temptation" rather than "temporary"). This meant, that even if things got awkward after I got shot down, I wouldn't have to see her every day and we wouldn't be dodging each other until the end of time (or until I quit/ get fired).
So, since the beginning of this week I've been mustering up the balls to ask her out (it's not easy for me to do so. I have a very weak track record when it comes to asking girls out). In the few instances we've had to chat this week, we've had some good fun and even some extended, extra long conversations just about anything. I really liked that I could make her laugh. Not just the polite laugh I get from most people but really laugh. I like how she can genuinely make me laugh too. I was really getting on her good side and I really wanted to know more about her...
So, today, I oh-so casually asked if she'd like to join me for dinner.
She said "no".
She said she had a class to attend and I immediately branched the subject away from food and its consumption and the thought of us doing that together and dove straight into the subject of what class she was taking. Then, I quickly, if not awkwardly, left for the evening and now, after a little bit of sulking, I'm sitting here writing this garbage.
Yes, I know she said that she had plans but still... even if she didn't I can't help but think that I just made things really awkward between us. Even if she didn't have plans, I bet she'd still just tell me "maybe some other time... after I don't work here anymore and I'm far far away from you". Yes, I know that's just my low(er) self-esteem talking, I'm sure. Even though I know that, I can't help but feel just a little blue.
Dammit! Why do I have to be such a bloody hopeless romantic?!
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