So, I'm kinda mad at myself right now. Yet, at the same time, I'm not. Now, anyone reading this might be thinking "What the eff? Start making some sense, man!" Well, I'll certainly do my best to clear that up.
Things have been a bit rough lately. I mean, I'm not talking to my dad (yet again), I've had a little financial set-back (nothing I can't recover from though), and most recently, I've been working really long hours at work (about 10 - 11 hours a day... plus I worked last weekend). Yet, amidst all these things, my mind still manages to find time to wander to subjects completely off the grid. I find it quite a wonder, actually, that I can even find the time to have a crush on someone.
(Now, to anyone reading this, don't go saying I'm cheating on Taylor. Yes, Taylor Swift is awesome and I've no doubt that if I met her, I would ask her to dinner. But, I do believe I've mentioned before that we are not actually married (not that I would complain if we were). And, besides, she doesn't even know I exist and, until she does, I'm free to have whatever crushes want!)
I mentioned earlier this year that there was a little bit of a nasty crush-triangle thingy happening between a few friends of mine. Well, apparently, there isn't three people involved. In fact, I believe there might be four people involved, making it a love-triangular pyramid. In case, you haven't figured it out yet, that fourth person is me.
Just to be clear, I call it a love-triangular pyramid because there are three vertices at the base (us guys) yet they all converge on a single point at the "top" (the girl).
Yup, it sucks! It's not that I haven't had any crushes since my loss two and a half years ago. I've had a fair share of them actually. But this is a particularly prickly situation, because a) the girl is a good friend of mine and b) two of my friends are also passively vying for her affection.
I've already decided though that I'm not going to make a move. Mainly because of my oft-professed credo: "thou shalt not ask thine friends out." In this case though, There are the added factors of my two guy-friends, both of which I am rather close with. These factors added together make going forward with this crush a bad, bad thing. So I won't.
Sometimes, it seems as if I hurt myself on purpose when I talk to her, online or whatever. We get along just fine and she's great company and conversation. We actually click quite well. Of course that means nothing; I've learned from past experiences that just because you're attracted to someone you click with, doesn't mean they'll like you back. That there would be the story (or at least an entire chapter) of my life. In any case, we get along more than well enough. But that isn't the half of it. She's fairly mature. I don't want to say for her age because there are many people who are probably about as mature as her... but they are vastly outnumbered by those who are far too immature and irresponsible for their age. Not only can we have a fun, goofy, conversation with each other, but we can touch down on deeper matters; things many people don't often fair too well with (thankfully, I have a few friends who can talk about such matters). And I find her quite cute.
Yes, if I could choose one person in my life to be with, I would probably choose her. Then again, of course, I don't think I will. I could never move in on a girl when my other friends have confessed to me (separately and secretly) that they are crushing on the same girl. In my experiences, I've found that trust and true friends are a precious and rare things in this world. Truth be told, I'd rather have three really good friends whom I share trust with than to risk having one possibly good romantic relationship and potentially lose the trust of two good friends. If the choice is mine, and it appears it may be, I will keep this to myself.
But it still kinda sucks...
To my knowledge, Taylor's "Fearless Tour" is not stopping by in Vancouver. *pout*
PS: Taylor Swift, if you're reading this and you decide to add a Vancouver date to your "Fearless Tour", I was wondering if maybe, I don't know... you'd like to go to dinner or something?
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