Tuesday, January 27, 2009

"Faded"/ "Just So You Know"

"I'm kinda faded but I feel alright.
Thinkin' 'bout making my move tonight.
I can't pretend that you're only my friend when you're holding my body tight."

"This emptiness is killing me and I'm wondering why I waited so long.
Looking back I realized, It was always there, Just never spoken.
And I'm waiting here.
Been waiting here."

Maybe it's because Valentine's Day is right around the corner, but it seems I'm not the only person I know going through the aches of loneliness. Apparently, I have a couple of friends who are feeling the longing of the embrace of a significant other. However, it isn't as "simple" as that (as if love is ever so simple). It isn't a mere Y1-loves-X1-and-Y2-loves-X2 scenario (nobody loves "X3" because that movie sucked). It's more like a Y1-loves-X1-and-Y2-loves-X1 kinda thing.
I'm pretty sure I've stated before how much I do not condone friend-friend relationships. I know I've explained this to at least a handful of friends of mine (usually when they say their crushing on one their friends). However, this most recent case of friend-zone crushing had me biting my tongue. I'm not really sure why... but maybe as I keep writing, it'll get clearer.

In any case, one of my friends is crushing on a friend of his. The second he mentioned this I should have objected but I didn't. Instead... I think I encouraged him to make a move if he thought it right to do so.
Maybe, it's because he's a guy; more often than not, girls are the ones who tell me that they like a guy-friend. Maybe, it's because I know both the people involved; sometimes, I only know the person doing the crushing. Maybe, though I do not encourage it, I hypocritically, on the odd occasion, have mushy feelings towards a gal pal.
Then again... then again maybe it was because of the way I'd seen them together. It's one of those things that's hard to describe, but, in short, I could see them as a couple. He's a good guy and she's a sweet, charming, smart, funny, cute, endearing, awesome girl. They both deserve a really good match and they're both great. All that's left is for one of them to make a move.

Well, I've covered two factors in my three-factor equation: Y1 and X1. But what of the third factor, Y2? He's a good guy too. He deserves love as much as any of the other people I call my friends. Yet, here he is on the sidelines, watching as our mutual friend makes his move on the girl he once felt strongly for. Then again, I don't know if that is quite the case. What if, instead of getting over her, he allowed his feelings to lay dormant within him and, with this recent turn of events, finds these feelings resurfacing. Or perhaps they haven't been dormant at all, and every now and then he's thought of her, how special and great she is, and felt the ache of not having her near and the current state of affairs is salt on an open wound he can't bring himself to heal.
In any case, I'm no mind-reader. I'm no authority on how he is feeling. Only he knows exactly what it's like to be exactly in his shoes.

If I'm feeling anything, being something of a third-party in this situation, I'm feeling a little worried. Firstly, because I'm happiest when my friends are happy and, if all goes well for Y1 and X1 then they'll be happy and I'll be happy for them, but I'll feel bad for Y2 mainly because I've been in a similar situation before and I know how much it bites. Secondly, if it doesn't work out for Y1 and X1, if one does not reciprocate the feelings of the other, there is a good chance that at least one of them will be down-hearted afterwards. Also, this won't improve Y2's situation at all.
The third reason I'm a bit worried: as an alternative or add-on to the previously stated scenario or should there be something of a falling out between Y1 and X2 should a relationship develop, there may be an awkwardness or even a bitterness between these two. Now, we're all a part of a group of friends and I'm worried that this may cause a rift in our group. The last thing we need... the last thing I need is division in our midst, especially after all we've been through.
I care deeply for all the people involved and I only wish them the best. Best case scenario: Y1 and X1 enter into a relationship that lasts until the end of time, at the same time Y2 finds a worthy X2 and they fall for each other and make sweet love to each other all day and night, Frank Sinatra rises from his grave to belt out a few songs, marshmallow strawberries and sunshine petals begin raining down from the sky and all is good with the world.

I guess what I'm hoping for most (since I can't really expect that perfect outcome) is that, in the long-run, everything turns out well; everyone gets what they want; everyone gets what they deserve. Maybe that's asking for a lot... but one can hope (This is the part where I knock on a plank of wood, pick up a heads-up penny from the floor, eat a salad made of four-leaf clovers, and ram a rabbit's foot up my ass).

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